Confidence

Confidence.

Stemming from Latin roots, it means to have full trust.

Do you trust yourself? Do you love yourself?

It is very hard to love without trust. When we make internal promises and commitments and don't follow through we lose trust in ourselves. Which has the effect of diminishing self-confidence as well as self-love.

When I notice I am becoming untrustworthy to myself one of the things I ask is:

Am I over-committing or under-committing? 

Over committing- As in, I make agreements and write more on my to do list than I have resource for. Resource of DESIRE first and foremost, which shows up as resource of time, skill, money, inspiration, health. My over committing is a reaction to the perceived needs of others, my inner taskmaster striving to be good and loved, or refusing to ask for help when I need it.

Or am I under-committing- bumping up against an inner spite, self-saboteur, resistor, or wanting something for nothing? This one has a f-k it attitude that plays to just throw it all away. It says why bother.....

These two are related and can flip back and forth in an endless toss of the same coin.

The under-committer shows up like a rebellious teenager to the “do-gooder” over-committer that is striving to be perfect. They disdain each other, go nowhere, and are very distracting!

The truth is that neither are strongly connected to my vision, intuition, love, or inner guidance. They are in their little drama, playing it out while the higher self sits patiently by saying, when you are ready- we have a gorgeous life to live, and some real work to do.

“ I thank you both and put you in the back seat of the car. You don’t get to drive or even choose the radio station. But I know you will keep hanging out. That is OK, have a snack. Relax for a while.”

When I notice this pattern, it is time to slow down, and make conscious, discerning choices about creating a few goals each day and then seeing them through. 

I remember hearing about a technique where you never put more than 3 things on your list for the day, 3 things that you absolutely do - no matter what. 

Obviously most of us will do more than three things on any given day, but this practice prioritizes what is most important, even if that is pleasure and rest, and achieves it consistently.

Honoring these self commitments establishes the kind of inner trust that is the foundation of self confidence and self love.

What if you absolutely believed in your own word, your bond? What would you both stop committing to, and start committing to, if you knew every inner promise would be fulfilled?

And remember, your list can have things like this:

I will bathe, I will take a walk, I will drink water. 

It is consistently meeting the inner agreement that matters. 

Fortunately, you don’t have to have it all figured out to begin the process of strengthening confidence. Every day is a new day, each breath a chance at renewal.
You got this.



photograph by Adrian Hutapea.


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