Do you ever feel rigid?

Do you sometimes feel rigid my loves?

Perhaps it feels like an outer brittleness, a constriction around fact, a disconnection from the depth of your inner landscape.

Or like a grasping towards the hardened edge in hopes that it will organize the organic chaos of living. You find you are mentally sorting, pleasing, and categorizing. Do you find yourself in a desperate whisper for things to make sense, for meaning? Perhaps you unconsciously cry, please lead me on a path of predictability so that I won’t be swayed or moved by the rushing tide of life. 

Did you grow up quickly? Before your time you were expected to be responsible, dependable, adult. Did you shatter the magic in service to the logic? Perhaps this was expected of you and modeled for you. Or perhaps you were met with more disorder than your system could handle and felt the quiet calm of control as your only option. Controlling yourself, controlling your impulses, controlling scenarios. Eventually effectively controlling your life force.

But now you are older and you hear a longing for more aliveness. For more spontaneity, or play, or juicy wild abandon. It thrills and scares you.

What if you cultivate trust? Trust in spirit, trust in the earth, trust in the complexity of our human experience that is so much larger than we could ever imagine. Feel the freedom and secret smile that can give.. Life IS so mysterious, don’t take it too serious,

Today I ask myself; What heartbeat can I surrender to? What wild and unknown future is perched at the edge of my presence?. 

image from The Observer Effect, 2013. Projection and photo by Stephen Miller.